Are You Rushing Your MidLife Transition?

I know it's been a while since I've written. I haven't gone anywhere, it's just been a crazy summer. My daughter is now officially a high school senior, so we were in lots of preparation mode for her starting school and I've been working on a lot of self-care and transition, which is what I want to talk to you about today.

Transition is a part of life. It happens at all stages. We transition from high school to college, college to adulting, maybe parenthood or transition to a new career. And, for the most part, those transitions can be planned accordingly.

But this transition to midlife is one that, even though we know it's coming, we can't plan for the feelings or experiences we're going to have.

Take my life, for example. I've been raising kids for 34 years of my life. Now that my daughter will be graduating high school in 9 short months, I'm at this place where it's like, 'OK, do I REALLY get to define my life JUST for me?'

I've never been able to ask myself that question before. I went from college to marriage to kids to divorce to single mom life for 10 years to marriage again to having another baby at 40. Those were transitions I HAD to adapt to quickly.

While I wouldn't change a single thing, I've spent so many years being something else, for someone else, that when this transition started shaping several years ago, I didn't know how to respond. 

I'll never forget when we first moved to Colorado in 2014. One night, were eating dinner and were talking about life in Colorado, and my daughter asked me, "Well, mom, what is it that you REALLY want to do? (business-wise, that is). I remember sitting there thinking, "I have no freaking clue."

You see, my prior business (affiliate marketing, web design and digital marketing) was born out of choice and then became a necessity. I chose to leave investment management in 2001 to be home with my daughter. It became a necessity over the years due to my husband's underemployment. Then 2008 hit, sending us further into a downward financial spiral.

It was another transition I had to quickly adapt to, from choice to necessity. As a result, I began to resent my business. I wasn't doing the work because I wanted to, it was because I had to. 

So, here I am at this place of transition again, except this time I GET to choose. Can you relate? Are you in a similar place? And if so, are you allowing this transition to happen naturally or are you rushing it?

Here's what I've discovered, and it's taken me four years to understand this. We have to allow time to peel off the layers and layers of being defined by wife, mom, etc. 

It's so crucial to let it happen naturally and not rush it. Why? Because, it took decades to get here, it's going to take time to shed. Don't misunderstand me. If you're a mom, you'll always be a mom, but our role as mom is different when our kids are grown.

Now it's YOUR time. It's time to redefine who you are just for you and that transition may take four months or four years, and may even zigzag a bit, but let it happen naturally so you can truly discover you.

Until next time...

Patty Bonsera is a former Securities Trader who became a Financial Wellness Advisor to support midlife women asking, "What's next?" In an industry built for men, she founded Fear.less Girl Financial as a better way to help you feel confident and beautiful about your finances and to celebrate midlife with soulful abundance. She will coach you, teach you, and celebrate with you every step of the way.